I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
did i just pee glitter
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
