Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
