mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
