Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
