I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
