wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's blow job season.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
