so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
