Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
