..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
