it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize