If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
