mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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