If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize