dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Too much gin, very little bucket
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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