My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
