shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
