maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
