Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
