I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
