I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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