fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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