addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
