It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
