I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
