My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
