wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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