you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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