i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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