we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
