So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
