just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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