Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
