We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
