Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's the barista slut.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
