if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Text me some of your sweat
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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