dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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