just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
