I've blown a few things in my day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize