She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
