i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
