Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
