Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize