taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
