im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this will be a night to untag.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
