What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
