i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
