She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize