Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
