It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
please don't ironically join a cult
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