Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
