She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Mom said you looked used
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
