well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
