I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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