The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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