i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
