Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
