Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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