he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize