end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
