if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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