NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
