The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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