when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
