Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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