if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
