11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
