hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
