Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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