$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
