I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
