judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
