There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
