You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
