I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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