i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize