Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
