on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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